Living in the future is almost always fear. The future is “what if.” What if I am late to work? What if I don’t save enough for my daughter’s college? What if I lie to my spouse? What if he/she discovers the lie? What if, what if, what if… It’s incessant and never-ending, and all it does is fuel anxiety, and ultimately anger, when we fruitlessly try to control all outcomes.
Read MoreOf course people are unique and relationships even more unique; what works for one couple might not work for another. Yet, I do believe there are qualities and behaviors which solidify a marriage in ways that withstand the trials and tribulations of life – and in the most important ways are simply not secrets.
Read MoreIn psychological counseling, we look toward natural, behavioral changes to improve mental health. Frequently, the most significant challenge to making behavioral change is simply taking “a” first single step. “A” first single step – in the sense that there are many potential single steps we can take, and the open-ended nature of that truth can be overwhelming, to the point of paralyzing our ability to act.
Read MoreLiving in constant fear is not healthy for our minds, and it is not healthy for our bodies. The old adage is true – face your fears to overcome them. As difficult as it may be, a truly effective way to reduce anxiety is to expose ourselves to what we fear. When we do this, the fear subsides and we feel more agency over our lives.
Read MoreIn counseling we work on self-care, and on addressing negative feelings. We also work on how to better communicate. Clear signals and boundaries between ourselves and other people tend to improve our relationships, and better relationships correlate with positive feelings. You have likely heard the cliché – “Stand up for yourself.” This admonition is actually an excellent piece of advice. Standing up for yourself through assertive communication benefits us in numerous ways – helping reduce anxiety, sadness, and anger. It also improves our relationships.
Read MoreCouples work a great deal on improving the emotional experiences of their relationship. Hopefully, your life partner is an immense source of joy and strength, a refuge in the storm of life. Too often, this isn’t the case, and couples find themselves responsible for added pain in each other’s life. Much of this stems from poor communication, which is a massive challenge at times, like blindly navigating an emotional minefield. Yet, even with excellent communication, and a perfect road map to your emotional terrain, it’s not always enough. We must also be willing to engage in active steps to increase what John Gottman calls the Emotional Bank Account.
Read MoreIn the world of couples counseling, we frequently talk about improving communication in the relationship. Certainly, this is important, and should be a goal of couple’s work. But we need to keep in mind that improving communication is only a beginning. It is not a cure-all for struggles in a relationship. It offers up the opportunity for positive change. Improved communication can lead to increased intimacy and fulfillment if the couple is willing to risk communicating about their inner world to their partner.
Read MoreChange is difficult, especially when we think of change in capital letters – Big Change. We think of stepping on the scale and being fifty pounds lighter. We don’t think about lowercase change very often. The idea of steeping on the scale and being one-pound lighter next week is much less inspiring than fifty a year from now. This is why we find ourselves drawn to thinking of change as wholesale, rather than incremental. And this is why motivation can be so difficult. When we see change as something so massive, and so far away, the amount of work and effort it will take to get to the other side seems impossible.
Read MoreThe concept of reframing describes one process of changing these thoughts. Reframing involves uncovering the thought behind the negative emotion. Once the thought has been uncovered, it can then be analyzed and adjusted. The great thing about reframing is you can start the process at home with nothing more than pen and paper. This makes it an excellent technique for battling anxiety while under lockdown.
We will walk you through each step of the reframing process. Each step will then be followed by an example to help you get an idea of how reframing looks in action. The example we use is geared specifically towards reframing anxiety about Covid-19, but reframing can be used to combat many other kinds of anxiety and negative emotion as well.
