Living in the future is almost always fear. The future is “what if.” What if I am late to work? What if I don’t save enough for my daughter’s college? What if I lie to my spouse? What if he/she discovers the lie? What if, what if, what if… It’s incessant and never-ending, and all it does is fuel anxiety, and ultimately anger, when we fruitlessly try to control all outcomes.
Read MoreOf course people are unique and relationships even more unique; what works for one couple might not work for another. Yet, I do believe there are qualities and behaviors which solidify a marriage in ways that withstand the trials and tribulations of life – and in the most important ways are simply not secrets.
Read MoreIn psychological counseling, we look toward natural, behavioral changes to improve mental health. Frequently, the most significant challenge to making behavioral change is simply taking “a” first single step. “A” first single step – in the sense that there are many potential single steps we can take, and the open-ended nature of that truth can be overwhelming, to the point of paralyzing our ability to act.
Read MoreLiving in constant fear is not healthy for our minds, and it is not healthy for our bodies. The old adage is true – face your fears to overcome them. As difficult as it may be, a truly effective way to reduce anxiety is to expose ourselves to what we fear. When we do this, the fear subsides and we feel more agency over our lives.
Read MoreIn counseling we work on self-care, and on addressing negative feelings. We also work on how to better communicate. Clear signals and boundaries between ourselves and other people tend to improve our relationships, and better relationships correlate with positive feelings. You have likely heard the cliché – “Stand up for yourself.” This admonition is actually an excellent piece of advice. Standing up for yourself through assertive communication benefits us in numerous ways – helping reduce anxiety, sadness, and anger. It also improves our relationships.
Read MoreA fervent debate has developed in our country on whether schools should re-open. In deciding whether to send your child back to school, I feel it is important to weigh mental health issues in the overall assessment. Some school systems are offering the choice of in-person or online classes, and parents may be faced with a tough decision. In this article, my intent is to consider the ramifications on mental health of children. I understand there are countervailing issues, and that there are wide discrepancies between individuals regarding their ability to engage in or tolerate perceived and real risk. I also respect that there are mental health considerations for parents, teachers, administrators, and the community at large.
Read MoreCouples work a great deal on improving the emotional experiences of their relationship. Hopefully, your life partner is an immense source of joy and strength, a refuge in the storm of life. Too often, this isn’t the case, and couples find themselves responsible for added pain in each other’s life. Much of this stems from poor communication, which is a massive challenge at times, like blindly navigating an emotional minefield. Yet, even with excellent communication, and a perfect road map to your emotional terrain, it’s not always enough. We must also be willing to engage in active steps to increase what John Gottman calls the Emotional Bank Account.
Read MoreIn the world of couples counseling, we frequently talk about improving communication in the relationship. Certainly, this is important, and should be a goal of couple’s work. But we need to keep in mind that improving communication is only a beginning. It is not a cure-all for struggles in a relationship. It offers up the opportunity for positive change. Improved communication can lead to increased intimacy and fulfillment if the couple is willing to risk communicating about their inner world to their partner.
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