Couples work a great deal on improving the emotional experiences of their relationship. Hopefully, your life partner is an immense source of joy and strength, a refuge in the storm of life. Too often, this isn’t the case, and couples find themselves responsible for added pain in each other’s life. Much of this stems from poor communication, which is a massive challenge at times, like blindly navigating an emotional minefield. Yet, even with excellent communication, and a perfect road map to your emotional terrain, it’s not always enough. We must also be willing to engage in active steps to increase what John Gottman calls the Emotional Bank Account.

In the world of couples counseling, we frequently talk about improving communication in the relationship. Certainly, this is important, and should be a goal of couple’s work. But we need to keep in mind that improving communication is only a beginning. It is not a cure-all for struggles in a relationship. It offers up the opportunity for positive change. Improved communication can lead to increased intimacy and fulfillment if the couple is willing to risk communicating about their inner world to their partner.